Buddhism for a beginner

Krakow Botanic Gardens, July 2016

Since my local group was offering another series of introductory sessions for people new to meditation, I started going to Birmingham Buddhist Centre for a six-week course entitled 'Going Deeper', all about the Noble Eightfold Path (don't ask). This is aimed at those who are fairly new to meditation and Buddhism who might just have finished the introductory course. I've been meditating for a bit longer than this, but I don't consider myself to be an expert by any means, and the group in Leamington is too small to offer this type of course. The Birmingham Centre has a much greater attendance - there are three different groups running on a Tuesday alone.

To start the evening we do some meditation, and because there are quite a lot of new people there's a lot of spoken guidance which distracts me. And someone in the room breathes so loudly and deeply that I am sure they have fallen asleep. Then there's a tea break, and then there's the talking and instructional bit.

I do not enjoy it very much. The problem lies somewhere on the continuum between my desire for very concrete and practical ideas, the two leaders' teaching skills, and the course being designed and written by someone else entirely. Much of their guidance just makes no sense to me. Here's an example I've made up: "Open your emotional state to connect with something deeper." I know what all the individual words mean, and I think get the gist of what is meant, but I have no idea how to carry out the instruction. I'm prepared to believe that some people in the room do know what to do with this stuff, but a part of me just thinks it's the Emperor's New Clothes and nobody has a clue what they are talking about.

Up to now I've found Buddhist principles to be eminently sensible and applicable to improving the quality of my life, as well as being likely to make other people and the planet feel a bit better too. So I want to know a bit more than just the two main sorts of meditation, and at the moment it feels like smoke, a cloud, a shadow - there's probably something there but I can't grasp it. And words like 'transcendence', 'self-enlightenment', 'conditioned existence' don't help in the least, and nor does the fact that the words for the concepts being described come from Eastern languages with no direct English translation.

My difficulty is somewhat exemplified by the two main types of meditation. One is called 'Mindfulness of Breathing', and I understand how to do it because it's all about doing - focussing and maintaining attention on the breath, in and out. That makes sense. The other doesn't even have an English name, it's called 'Metta Bhavana' and translates into something like 'the development of lovingkindness'. Instead of focussing on something physical like breathing it's aim is to foster a feeling, or an attitude, and I simply can't work out how that's done. Either I feel, or I don't. I'm probably not consciously aware of all the attitudes I hold. How does one create a feeling or an attitude by sitting and thinking about it?

I wasn't sure what to do with this frustration about the Birmingham course. My experienced Buddhist friend gave me a few tips, and I carried on to week 4 in case it became clear, and because despite the distracting spoken guidance and noisy breathing I still like meditating. But week 4 was about, well, I'm not sure what it was about, but we looked at some pictures and talked about archetypes, and the sun and moon as opposites, and what a halo represents, and how sitting on the ground makes you grounded, and I couldn't take it any more.

So I went back to the Leamington group and it felt like coming home. I felt welcome, and included, and best of all I understood the gist of the discussion, which was about four aspects of mindfulness (self, others, things, reality) and it seemed to make sense. I will probably try again with the Birmingham option but will take more care with my choice of group next time.