Birthday happiness

July 2020

In the week leading up to my birthday I signed up to an online Buddhist retreat, to be undertaken at home. Usually a retreat takes you away from all mundane cares, with nothing to worry about except trying not to be late for meals and the scheduled sessions, and there aren't all that many of those. On the other hand, at home there's still all the usual stuff to be done, and in my case many tradesmen to communicate with, and it was difficult to separate myself from phone and Internet and TV. 

I also signed up too late to be able to take time off work so I missed the sessions on Monday and Tuesday, and as well as work there were still my usual evening meetings on Monday and Tuesday, and I had a pre-existing meeting on Wednesday. The retreat sessions were recorded and available through a web page, but I never did catch up. It was a very full week.

The day before my birthday Lola II and Mr M and I went to see mum and dad, and I brought shopping from Lidl which mum misses above all things. The weather was perfect so we could sit outside, and we brought our camping stoves and cooked our own lunch. I went home with Lola II and Mr M and we ordered takeaway Japanese food in the evening, and took part in the latest scheduled Zoom meeting with friends - a quiz.

Lola II and Mr M gave me some plum chutney made from their home-grown plums which I'm looking forward to trying. Such a shame that their grape vine has died, I really enjoyed the grape jam, although the diet doesn't really allow for much jam at the moment. I'm still losing weight but more slowly - 5.7kg down now, and hoping for just 1kg more. I started the diet because my clothes were too tight and I didn't want to have to go shopping for new ones, so there's little point in reaching a situation where I have to go shopping because my clothes are too loose.

The weather for my birthday was as lovely as the previous day, and as I chatted to the man behind the fish counter at Waitrose about it and mentioned that it was my birthday, he stuck a label on my purchase indicating that it would be free of charge! Then when I arrived home I noticed a skip outside my neighbour's house which had a couple of bar stools in it. They looked a bit dusty but seemed intact, and were a perfect match with my existing bar stools and the colour of my kitchen walls. It has occasionally been awkward having only three stools, so I took one out and cleaned it up (with permission from the skip owner who is having a clear out before moving away). 

And so endeth the birthday, with a fish supper, while sitting on a stool, enjoying the glorious sunshine of a lockdown summer.

Working hours

August 2019

As I write, I am about to start my new phase of working just under two days a week (instead of just under four days a week). It has been a long time coming, with my team leader and manager making it much more difficult than it needed to be. I put in my application for 'flexible working' back in January, and the meeting that should have taken place within a month of that application actually happened a week ago. That was when, among other things, I discovered that the replacement for the 13.5 hours I am giving up will be 15 hours. Not that it makes much difference, but it would have been nice to know a bit sooner than a week before the change takes place.

I have been busy in every spare minute at work trying to clear some of the clutter that I have accumulated, as I will soon be sharing my office space with someone who might want to put her own clutter somewhere. My new co-worker (I'll have to think of a suitable name for her at some point) is young, and along with her role in diabetes for the Trust she has also been doing a Masters in some aspect of Type 1 Diabetes and exercise - I don't know the details. She has managed to spend a Wednesday afternoon with me in the most complicated pump clinic that I'm involved with, and will be going on a course before starting to deliver the Type 1 education instead of me. It was really difficult deciding what to give up, but it's possible that I can still deliver a course now and then. I'll be meeting with my team to talk about practical arrangements soon.

In Buddhism news, I went on a weekend retreat which is always a source of much flowery photography and usually generates some reserves of patience and equanimity for me to take home. Being on the team for the local Buddhist group has allowed me to make a couple of suggestions for future topics on Tuesdays, but for the next four weeks when we don't rent the usual church hall I will be hosting the group for some study of a short lecture called 'The Taste of Freedom'. I have read it through once and, as usual with anything philosophical or poetical, I can make little sense of it. We'll see whether that changes over the course of four weeks.

Another birthday came and went, and Lola II spent the day with me when my objective was to make use of the many excellent charity shops in Leamington to replace worn out items of clothing and try to find a suitable outfit for an upcoming wedding. We had an excellent lunch at my new favourite cafe (Warwick Street Kitchen since you ask) and I succeeded with getting the whole wedding outfit and a new pair of jeans all for less than Lola II paid for our lunch. I was also hoping to use the latter part of the day to clear some of the excess junk still in my loft, but we didn't manage that. Next time.

And the LTRP continues: Olf and his Sidekick have been busy with the veranda, and I think it is finished though there may be a few small issues that aren't apparent to me - they will be back in a week or so. Sidekick does all the work; Olf drops in and sometimes shouts at him. This makes me uncomfortable and after this job I will try to find another builder. I also tried to engage a gardener who told me he would phone back to arrange to visit, but hasn't. I will pursue this; it's a jungle out there.

Birthday treats

In the last blog post I left you with my soggy tent at the end of Famfest. There was more to come in my birthday week because on Friday I headed down to London for further events, staying with Lola II and Mr M as usual. There was a concert in Islington and a picnic in Regents Park. Or, as I discovered, The Regent's Park.

On Saturday I slept very late while Lola II did exercise at the swimming pool, then we had brunch at a fancy brunch spot, did the shopping for the picnic, ate some more and went to the concert. The Indigo Girls are from the South of the USA, and are a duo singing what I suppose I'd call Folk Rock. Here's the one that always makes me cry. I was a little overwrought. Got something in my eye.



They are MUCH older now than when these videos were produced. But so am I. Here's the one they do before the encore (I have no idea what the visuals in the video are all about. Ignore them and just listen):



And the closing number, which had the whole venue singing at full pelt:



I could listen to them forever. And sometimes I have to, given Lola II's propensity to sing whatever's in her mind at all times. On our camping holiday during the walk around the reservoir she started to sing the sound of the squeaky gate. She does cashpoints and pelican crossings too. Unbelievable.

It was my birthday on Sunday, but I knew that work loomed on Monday and I'd need to wake up a lot earlier so my plan was to set my alarm for 8 a.m. Lola II and Mr M seemed a little put out by this, but I thought nothing of it until about five to eight when they arrived in my bedroom to sing Happy Birthday, a ritual not performed for me for at least 20 years. No wonder they were a little disappointed out at my choice of an early start.

I was presented with splendid and practical gifts - a road map, because we had experienced together the uselessness of satnav in the lanes of Devon. A mug painted by Lola II to represent the 'jazzy drop' fake chocolate sprinkled with hundreds and thousands that we enjoyed 30 years ago. A plastic toothbrush cover for travel protection in the washbag, from Mr M I think. Half a bar of chocolate left over from the hazelnut, plum and chocolate birthday cake that Lola II baked the day before. And jars of homemade (by Mr M) plum jam and grape jam. I couldn't have asked for better presents.

On Sunday I'd arranged for a group of friends to meet in The Regent's Park, near the bandstand in case it rained, but it didn't and everyone came and we had a lovely picnic. I found out some fascinating insider political facts by grilling my friend who works at the Home Office unmercifully about Teresa May, Amber Rudd, Boris, Brexit, the last general election, the next general election and anything else I could think of. I don't see him very often and I have to say he delivered quality information. There was also a brief conversation about another skiing holiday. Yay!!

My birthday was also celebrated at work on Monday where we routinely give each other a card and a cake and some flowers. On returning home my sleep patterns have reverted to regular insomnia again, so on my usual day off on Tuesday I was determined to sort out some of the LTRP issues that have been on my mind. It took three hours to get to the bottom of my options for hob, dishwasher, ovens and taps, and another hour to consider floors and other matters relating to the overall project.

I went out for a walk in Kenilworth with my ex-team leader, on the same day as the interviews for her replacement. Her job was in the midst of a team which is entirely dysfunctional and everyone in it is trying to find work elsewhere. None of the applicants was appointed, not that it makes much difference to me as I wasn't really being managed before either. The reason given to one internal candidate was that she lacked management experience, which makes me believe I may well have been successful if I'd applied for the job. But although I have management experience I know that I am not a good manager, and I am trying to make my life less complicated and coast down the slope towards retirement. I get entirely enough responsibility and leeway for service improvement in my current job, and the extra money would not make up for the stress and unpleasantness of the team leader post.

Kenilworth Castle, August 2017

I have a social life

Paris, April 2016

The trouble with socialising is that it makes me tired. That's pretty much the only disadvantage, so I'm trying to do it a bit more. Matters beyond my control meant that last week I had three evening events on three consecutive days, which was more than I would have liked, but I have survived.

First there was a delayed birthday party for two of us at work, held at the house of the other birthday girl which contains a fully equipped games room with pinball, pool, space invaders, a boxing machine and goodness knows what else. It isn't actually her house; it belongs to her daughter and son-in-law and their three children, but she and her husband live in the annexe. The rest of the family was away on holiday, so we used the games room, ate takeaway curry, and I even had a tour of the house. I can't begin to describe the contents - bling, glamour, expense, and Things Everywhere You Look. Artifacts. Pictures. Murals. It was enormous, extravagant, over-the-top. I can barely manage to maintain Lola Towers; thinking of all the work that would have to go into keeping this mansion in good condition made me slightly faint. It was extraordinary.

The second event was the badminton club BBQ which had been planned for about six months, but on the scheduled day everyone was on holiday or busy and only four players plus one partner were available. So we ditched the BBQ idea and the five of us played pool instead, which was actually great fun. I haven't played pool for many years, but I wasn't too bad at it. All but one of the games I played ended with a foul shot, so I wouldn't say any of us was particularly skillful.

Last was a birthday party held by old friends whom I hadn't seen for some time, with a pirate theme. For a change I put in a bit of effort to create a pirate costume. It was a good do, although I think they suffered from everyone being on holiday in the same way as we did for the BBQ. The live band was tremendous - as the third evening out in a row I would have left well before the end if it hadn't been for the music.

The LTRP has paused briefly, although I'm still trying to make the garden look a bit better. I ordered some perennials (6 random plants of 4 different types for £5) which turned out to be foxglove, lavender, aquilegia and echinacea. They came as tiny plugs and before they all died I've managed to pot them up, They're on the windowsill to see which survive, then they're going into the garden and if they die, they die. It's survival of the fittest out there. [Subsequent note - all the lavender plants seem to have died already.]

The other project I've embarked on is to try and manage the amount of food I'm eating, which has drifted into 'out of control' territory. I spend all day helping other people to manage their intake, coming up with all sorts of plans and ideas, but I can't seem to implement anything sensible for myself. I may or may not write more about this, but it will depend on how successful I am.

That reminds me - I've been working on a website to support people who want to cut their carbohydrate intake to almost nothing (less than 40g carb a day), and it's going really well so far. I've been lucky to have had a bit of time recently to spend on it (because everyone is away on holiday) but I've still got a few more ideas. A few people at work have seen it and they haven't ordered me to take it down, so that's good. There was talk of incorporating it into the main hospital website, but when I initially asked the IT department if they would help they said 'no' so I'm reluctant to relinquish control now that I've done all the work.

Brief car update - since the main dealer pronounced the air conditioning unit to be a terminal case due to stone chip damage, it has been working perfectly. I took it to my usual garage anyway as arranged, and they agreed with me. We concluded that the affair made no sense, commented in a British fashion on the relative uselessness of air conditioning with only one or two warm days a year (although that day happened to be one of them) and I took myself and the car off home.

Moûtiers town square, April 2016

I am absurdly delighted about a car in a garage

Compton Verney, July 2016

A few events stand out over the past couple of weeks - my birthday has been and gone without too much fuss, although the presents I was given by Lola II and Mr M are outstanding. I received six different packets of Polish soup, four different nut butters, decaffeinated Darjeeling tea, the piano music for the song 'Let It Go' from the film 'Frozen', and a pack of letters that I wrote to my family in the early 1990's. I've read about half of them, and it's been quite a tense experience. I'm hoping that there might be some suitable material to reproduce in a blog post, but not so far.

Lola II came to visit (and to deliver my presents) and we wandered around Leamington and tried a new lunch venue - a pub called The Drawing Board recently taken over by the same manager who used to run the Red Lion at Hunningham. I'd go again. Lola II went to the optician and we browsed in various shops and ate large slabs of cake before coming back and watching a DVD.

On Sunday we visited Compton Verney Art Gallery and Park and enjoyed most of the collection. We were guided through the Folk Objects and Folk Art, which I think I liked the most - objects and art created by ordinary people rather than professional artists. I am most scornful of a 'sculpture' on the lawn entitled 'Untitled Boulder' which is... a boulder. It isn't even a very interesting-looking boulder. The most that the 'artist' contributed to this 'art' was to decide which way up it should go; he couldn't even be bothered to give it a name. But the rest of the visit was fine.

Compton Verney Folk Objects collection

After Lola departed I mowed the lawn and chopped down even more of the garden, and managed to take some of the debris to the tip on Tuesday. And Olf (the garage man) finally completed the work on the garage! The door to the street now has a working lock, and I can now use it as a practical garage. In fact, I have now put the car in it! This is seriously exciting. There is a yellow sign that suggests the road is going to be dug up and resurfaced next week, so parking is likely to be disrupted and having a working garage may be handy.

I cannot begin to explain how exciting this is

Since that happened I've had a bit of a busy spell, not least when I forgot about some patient education I was supposed to be delivering and received a phone call asking where I was. Very embarrassing, and not an experience that I care to repeat. Entirely my fault, too, because it was clearly in my diary. I was only a quarter of an hour late, but still.

And then I went to Carlisle via Manchester where I visited H+B who are as well as can be expected (and thank you very much for lunch and hospitality). I was hosted in Carlisle by H+G whose converted barn is being re-thatched, so I have learned a bit about what that entails (4 weeks, 4 Polish workers, a LOT of money).

Thankfully the weekend weather was glorious, and we walked dogs and went into town to eat at a new Italian restaurant which had been recommended as 'authentic' by a number of people. It was not what we were expecting - in the basement of a converted church, it was a surprise to find it carpeted, with waitresses in smart black outfits and white gloves to deliver the food, which was very tasty. But still, white gloves? Then we danced the night away to Alabama 3 at the most sweaty gig I can remember - Carlisle not being known for its sultry summer weather, the venue really had no way of making things any cooler.

We'd both walked quite a long way

Then back home via Tebay motorway services (the best in the country) where I bought far too much artisanal goods (meat pie, cheese, crackers, sausage, brownie) and then to Ikea to have a look at their kitchens. And finally on Tuesday a trip to the car dealership so they could diagnose the problem with the air conditioning in my car, which they declared to be terminal. I have made an appointment to get a second opinion from my local garage, but it's not looking good. Thank goodness we only get one or two hot days a year in this country.

Leicester

This was a Lola II birthday weekend, postponed from when her birthday actually took place because we have both been a bit busy most weekends. By all rights it should therefore have been warmer than late February, but it wasn't really. Apart from the chilly days it was a brilliant weekend.

We started with the accommodation on Friday, which was not our usual guesthouse or B&B, but a private residence booked through AirBnB, belonging to Muriel. Muriel was Not Very Well so our contact with her was quite limited, but we were out most of the time so it didn't matter. She has some very interesting wallpaper but the room was comfortable and there was Redbush tea.

We decided that Leicester is quite good. Many of its inhabitants have got over the discovery of the skeleton of King Richard III in favour of their football team (although the city still displays an RIII logo on lamp posts, posters and anything else it can think of). Leicester City Football Club has unexpectedly emerged from obscurity and is almost in a position to win the League, and everyone seems to be rather excited and nervous about it.

On Friday we ate at a rather meat-focused restaurant, but on the way home we passed a small Japanese restaurant that looked very promising, so that was Saturday's dinner venue sorted.

On Saturday we decided to head for the Tourist Information Office, but were waylaid by some loitering market researchers. I persuaded Lola II that it might be interesting, and so it was - rather than answering a few questions off a clipboard in the street we were taken into an office and answered rather a lot of questions about shampoo, toothpaste and cereal. Then we had to pretend to shop for shampoo in a pretend shop with a real trolley while being filmed, and lastly answer a trillion questions about three types of shampoo, many of which were stupid. Did the pictures of shampoo make me think that it was 'efficient'? or 'natural'? or 'smell good'? Stupidest of all given that there was no information about price, did it look like 'value for money'? Good luck to them analysing my answers. They gave us each a £5 Boots voucher so I suppose it wasn't three quarters of an hour completely wasted (they'd said it would be 15 minutes).

Leicester Market is good and there was a 'Continental' market going on too with some wonderful-looking cheeses. We found a deli for lunch and I had an eclair from the Boulangerie stall which showered me with icing sugar and anointed me with cream. Then we made our way to the Jewry Wall Museum and a guided tour of the Roman baths. This was less interesting than I'd hoped because once you've seen a few Roman baths what more is there to say? And there wasn't actually much to see except the foundations, not even a trace of hypocaust, but there was a very large Roman wall. It was pretty cold and the guide clearly knew a lot but spent many words conveying minimal information. Kathleen Kenyon was the original archaeologist who worked on the site in one of her very earliest jobs, so that was a bit interesting. Being told how the original residents would have welcomed the warmth of a Roman bath house made us reflect that we would too.

After that we sat in a cafe drinking tea until we'd warmed up, then had a look around the cathedral, where Richard III was re-interred about a year ago. His tomb is rather impressive and there was a guide hanging around whom we quizzed for some time. She doesn't think the king was all that bad, and her view is that he was slandered by poets and playwrights; times were different and politics was pretty ruthless back then. She had attended the re-interment and was responsible for the bit of the church where Benedict Cumberbatch, Julian Fellowes and Robert Lindsay were seated.

Leaving the cathedral we made our way to where we remembered the Japanese restaurant was, but there it wasn't. Eventually with the help of Google we found it elsewhere in quite a different spot from where we remembered. It was also a little disappointing, as the rice was formed into nigiri by a machine and rather small pieces of pre-sliced fish out of the fridge simply placed on top. Several of the dishes were better than the sushi, but there was quite a lot of confusion with the order and Lola II's chicken was undercooked (they took that off the bill).

The evening's entertainment was provided by a performance of 'Legally Blonde' the musical, which went very well. There was a small incident with a bar of chocolate - when I went to get some water I though how hilarious Lola II would find it to hide some chocolate that was in my bag, so I moved it to a less obvious place and then completely forgot that I'd done it. When I came back and looked for the chocolate I was halfway through accusing Lola II of hilariously hiding it when I remembered what I'd done. We both thought that was very funny indeed.

Last notable event of Saturday - we ordered a minicab by phone to take us back after the performance, and the driver phoned to say he was waiting in a silver Zafira car. What are the chance of two identical silver Zafira cars waiting in front of the theatre? The man waiting for his wife was very nice about it, and we didn't actually get into his car...

Sunday started with another visit to the market Boulangerie (chocolate twist and pain au raisin this time). We had a bit of time to spare before our next booked event, so we walked along a pretty road converted for pedestrian use and found the Art Gallery, but it wasn't yet open. The tours we'd booked were of the Magazine Gateway (gateway to a monastical complex not the city, and which in more recent times housed arms) and Wygston's House (15th century half-timbered with Georgian and Victorian extensions about to be sold off and converted into a restaurant due to lack of public funds for restoration). The guide for these two tours was much better, even though it was still very cold to be standing around in unheated buildings.

Leicester is famed for its Golden Mile - a bit like Rusholme in Manchester, it holds a concentration of Indian restaurants, and we chose one that was busy on the basis that it was likely to be good. It was delicious and very good value. There was just enough time for a quick look in one of the rooms of the Art Gallery that was now open before Lola II had to catch her train.

Leicester - I'd go back for the curries, but not for the sushi. And good luck with the football.

Happy 82nd birthday

We'd been planning for ages, covering all eventualities and managing food, drink, venue, helpers, invitations, music and slide show. At last the day came, dad in his finery (suit) and ready for all comers.

The weather was beautiful, which was lucky because it really helped to use the garden as well as the house. Sister D brought wine and all the food from the caterer, we had a helper who offered drinks round and did lots of washing up, Lola II brought chairs, laptop, and created the slides for the presentation, I brought soft drinks and we all brought glasses, cutlery, dishes and tablecloths. Tablecloths were a good idea - we ended up having to disguise the ironing board because we didn't have enough tables.

This was dad's 82nd birthday party, which took place on Sunday. I came down to London ahead of the event and spent Friday night and Saturday with Lola II and Mr M - as usual, the food was among the highlights of the trip. My first meal with them was some of the best ramen I have ever had, Lola II took me to her new fitness club where we did an 'Aquafit' session in the pool then jacuzzi and sauna. After a coffee we went to Richmond on the bus (note to self - never go to Richmond on the bus at midday on Saturday because it will take an hour instead of 20 minutes) and ate at an open air Bavarian restaurant facing the river - luckily the weather was perfect. Two excellent meals - and then the party.

All the guests arrived, lunch was delicious, everybody seemed to be enjoying themselves, dad gave an illustrated talk mostly about his early life, we all had tea and went home. There was enough food left over for us all to take away lunches for the rest of the week. I think it went better than any of us had hoped.

Happy birthday dad!

Presents and a prize

Rented bicycle in Berlin, March 2013

It's been present-tastic at Lola Towers, partly due to my birthday and Mr A's birthday being less than a week apart, and partly because I've won another blog prize - this time, a box full of gluten-free snacks from Veronica's Snacks via The Happy Coeliac blog, and a tote bag to carry my snacks in. All I had to do was to suggest a new flavour for their crisps.

It's been a while since I gave you a social update, so in brief:

• Mr A and I have done a lot of 'gardening', which consists of pruning, hacking, bagging and dumping vast amounts of shrubbery, and in Mr A's case, sawing down and then digging out the roots of our sadly deceased ceanothus.
• We have had another posh dinner at Queans to celebrate our birthdays.
• I have had ongoing car trouble involving the brakes, ever since the service in March. The car has done over 180,000 miles and (apart from the brakes) is still in perfect working order, but will unfortunately need further attention from the garage. They are being very reasonable about it, acknowledging the fault and trying to remedy it without charge, but so far without success.
• I have a new Nexus 7 tablet, which I am still getting used to. Unfortunately, it is not quite as good as a laptop for Facebook and blogging (which is mostly what I do), and complains that it isn't compatible with BBC iPlayer or the Carbs & Cals app. It does run Skype, which my laptop has stopped doing, so that's one benefit I suppose, but I'm hoping to mend my laptop as soon as I find the MS Office CD.
• I have been out for pizza twice with work colleagues - once with the new lot and once with the ones from my previous job. I like the old lot better, and there may be a Diabetes job advertised there soon, but it is likely to be part time and temporary, and therefore not as good as the job I have now.
• I tried to do some homework on my case study, but my housemates came home and turned on the TV. My room is too small to work effectively, and at work they won't allow wireless access for personal laptops. I have put in a request for an update to the browser on the office PC, because at the moment the technology they're using is so rubbish that I can't use it properly for academic research.
• I have been cycling to work a bit, which has been a great deal easier since Dr Bike adjusted my saddle. The Trust is very supportive of cycling, and will fund half an hour for free basic servicing with Dr Bike up to once a month for staff. I also have a locker in a changing room with showers and free use of towels.

There will probably be more cycling news soon, because I have taken some photos of my route to work on a sunny day this week. I can also announce that, for the first time, I managed to cycle all the way up the steep hill to my weekday lodging. My legs subsequently turned to jelly and I felt sick, but I'm hoping it will get easier!

Prizes!

Jobs and birthdays

Sissinghurst, June 2012

Another long, difficult week, with two colleagues still away and the added bonus of having a student with me for much of the time on the wards. A good student, which is so much better than a bad one, but still, it's a little bit of added pressure. Last week we made the considered decision that I would not be able to do a clinic while two of my colleagues were on leave, and there was only one patient left in that clinic by Tuesday who was seen by the Dietetic Manager. I have no idea why we did not make a similar decision this week given that the same constraints applied, and instead of one there were five patients that I had to see. But I am not complaining, oh no, I have a good job and some lovely colleagues and I cannot afford to get cross with it because I must continue to turn up for work every day for the foreseeable future. The unforeseeable future - now, that's a different story.

On  Wednesday I did another job application and didn't go to badminton, which always makes me slightly less cheerful. The interview for the first job I've applied for is looming, and I have to get my interview presentation ready for Thursday when it has to be emailed to the recruitment panel. I have very foolishly volunteered to do a CPD presentation to my colleagues all about how a new lot of equations are now favoured over the old lot of equations for estimating energy requirements, and it's on Wednesday and I haven't even started looking at the equations, let alone the evidence behind their use. I have no idea when I'll have time for this, let alone my tax return and various other important items of home-based administration.

On the other hand, Mr A and I celebrated our birthdays on Thursday with dinner at Queans, the local restaurant that gained such a great review from a celebrated newspaper restaurant critic. But directly before dinner I went to donate blood again, and after pricking one finger and finding my iron level was borderline they had to draw some blood to evaluate it a different way, and then said I was OK to donate. So I turned up at the restaurant with plasters everywhere, and then halfway through dinner I had a funny turn and had to put my head between my knees. Despite all this I thought it was a delightful dinner, and my duck breast was cooked to perfection. I'd definitely love to go there again, but Mr A was less impressed, perhaps because his expectations were higher and partly because he had to choose a vegetarian starter (I always underestimate his desire for animal flesh). I'm wondering whether it's worth carrying on donating blood, but perhaps will do so in future only when no other activities are planned for the hours to follow.

It seems incredibly dense, but I have only just realised why it has been difficult to maintain the frequency of my blog posting. When I started the first, student blog, I had already left work to do the degree. It is only since starting this blog that I have been working full time. Naturally there are fewer hours for leisure now that I am occupied all through the day. I don't know why it's taken me this long to cotton on.

Doubts

Sissinghurst, June 2012

Last week was a difficult week at work, for a number of reasons. Firstly, both of my peers were on holiday, leaving me and the two seniors covering their wards as well as our own. Luckily, things were quiet, otherwise I'd have had a worse week than I did. I had to give up my outpatient clinic, though, and I missed it.

As well as the greater workload, I had some challenging patients. Not that they were challenging people, but their situations were complex, difficult and depressing. And a patient that I'd spent a lot of time with, and really tried to help in many different ways, died. I'm not usually affected by this, but on this occasion I spent a minute in silent contemplation when I found out.

I'm also annoyed at having so little time for thinking, and when I did stop to think this week, I was assailed with doubts. Was that the right treatment? Should I have considered other alternatives? Did I really do my best for that individual, or am I just going through the motions? Am I doing a good job?

I have to admit that this job has not improved with time, and my original thought when I started the whole process of retraining for this new career still holds true: the hospital setting is not where I want to end up. I look forward to my outpatient clinic with eager anticipation that I don't feel for another day on the wards. I am frustrated by my role in nutrition support, which doesn't seem to utilise much of the enormous body of knowledge that I acquired during the degree, and gives me little opportunity to promote behaviour change, which it turns out is what I am really interested in. Working on the wards does not inspire me.

I was discussing this preference with a colleague, who described a similar level of frustration with outpatient work. She finds it frustrating that outpatients come to the Dietitian for advice, but then often don't follow that advice and either don't return, or come back without improvement. She is much happier to work in the ward environment, where we might have a little more influence over whether our advice is put into practice or not.

I feel the opposite: an outpatient has the choice whether or not to follow my advice, and my job is to help them find the right path, tailoring and tweaking my advice to take account of their lifestyle and supporting them in reaching goals that I may have helped them to choose. I find the ward environment frustrating because there are so many institutional variables that prevent patients from achieving nutritional objectives, which are mostly imposed upon them. I acknowledge that I have no control over how a free-living individual chooses to eat and drink, but we ought to be able to do better on the wards, and often we don't.

I have applied for another job in a different NHS Trust, and have told the Dietetic Manager (because I had to list her name as a referee). The good news is that I have been offered an interview; the bad news is that it is scheduled in the middle of our planned holiday in the South West. We are adjusting our plans so it shouldn't disrupt the holiday too much.

I think that it is appreciated that when one has a temporary post covering maternity leave (or in my case, two days permanent and three days temporary per week), one has to take up opportunities when they present themselves. But I don't think that the Dietetic Manager is aware of the main reason for me applying for the job: it is in Primary Care rather than the hospital setting. Finding myself in the position of anticipating an interview, only seven months after the end of the last round of interviews, makes me rather apprehensive and a little sad. Interviews really are painful, and not just because of the Lady-shoes. And this time I have to do a presentation.

It is also for a job that is a higher grade than the one I have at present, and this seems very precocious given than I have only completed six months in a Dietetics role. The same Trust is recruiting for posts at my current level as well, but because the students in the year below mine have now graduated and are looking for their first jobs, the vacancies at that grade closed almost immediately, well before I could put together my application. If I am given the role I have applied for, it is possible that I will be senior to Dietitians who have more dietetic experience than I do. That is a sobering thought.

Looking on the bright side, there are many positives to offset the negatives in my current job. My colleagues really are the nicest people I have ever worked with, without exception - if I get the new job, I shall be truly sorry to leave them behind. And aside from work, when we happened to mention to Smurf that it was my birthday on Monday, he offered us a free meal in the pub, which we had on Tuesday. I've played badminton twice this week, watched two films, we had dinner in Wofon, and while writing this I'm sitting on the sofa with Mr A opposite, in my pyjamas, with a nice cup of tea and some birthday chocolate. Things could be a lot worse.

Birthday walk

Cubbington, Feb 2012

Lola II came to visit for her birthday, with Mr M. Lola II loves surprises, Mr M loves Lola II, so surprises are called for. Of course, I love Lola II as well, but I am too lazy/busy/preoccupied with my own troubles (delete as you think fit) to bother with surprises very much, in addition to the fact that I can't keep a secret to save my life, and Mr A isn't much better.

Surprises planned by Mr M:

• Getting Skype installed on a computer at mum and dad's house in advance so they could Skype Lola II on her birthday
• Creating masks with the face of Lola II for mum and dad to wear for the Skype call
• Producing more Lola II masks to be utilised at any appropriate time
• Arranging for our American/Israeli cousin to Skype Lola II
• Producing calorie-free green peas, which consisted of the letter P cut out of green cardboard
• Getting the music and playing the piano part of an Adele song so Lola II could sing along
• A tiny birthday cake
• About six or seven birthday presents.

Surprises planned by me:

• A walk in the countryside and a pub lunch with seven other people
• A packet of Durian crisps.

I think this indicates clearly the amount of effort each of us is prepared to put into the task of creating surprises for someone with a birthday. I did manage to assist with the green P's, scheduling the Skype call from our cousin, and practising the song.

Things started to fall apart when Mr M couldn't get Skype installed successfully for mum and dad, but sister D and family were going to be visiting on Sunday and might be able to complete the installation. Then the Skype call from our cousin didn't turn up on schedule at 6 p.m. our time, but my mobile rang at midnight (Lola II had sensibly turned hers off), waking me up enough to answer but not enough to hold any sort of meaningful conversation. Our cousin had thought we would be awake and celebrating - he obviously knows us less well than we thought. And as we drove off to the start of the walk, Mr A let the cat out of the bag by asking "Have your parents Skyped you yet?"

Millennium Way walk, Feb 2012

The walk and pub lunch were wonderful, the weather was perfect, and Landrover Man navigated with distinction. I learned a new Bee Fact: you can transport bees in their hives inside a car, but it's a good idea to wear protective gear while you're driving just in case they get out.