Christmas Markets present and past

Königsallee, Düsseldorf, November 2017

In between weeks seven and eight of the LTRP I spent the weekend in Düsseldorf with two friends. They had both previously worked there for a few years as a result of a business relocation, and in the end both had decided not to stay. However, the reason for this trip was to visit the Christmas Market as well as to revisit a few old haunts.

I am not a shopper at the best of times, and I don't get excited about Christmas either, so what was I doing there? It was partly because of my policy to say Yes to more invitations, and I like both these ladies, one of whom (A) I've known (through badminton) for nearly all the time I've spent in the Midlands. We now play for different clubs, which is a shame. A introduced me to S when we were regular quiz team members, long long ago.

Due to the complexity of budget airlines, and the fact that I was out for the day when A and S booked their flights and accommodation, I was on an earlier flight and in Airbnb accommodation rather than in their fancy hotel. On Friday I went exploring on my own, and it was delightful. I found an interesting market stall selling nothing but potatoes, and had a fantastic bowl of soup for lunch. Germans (and Austrians) really know how to make good soup. I bought a salami, and was flattered when the stallholder replied in French to my poor attempt at German. I am generally much too unkempt to be mistaken for a French woman.

I also passed a church which had a sign outside saying (in German) something along the lines of 'You don't have to believe in God, we have a really good cafe'. I was flagging at that point so I went in, and they were right, the cafe was excellent with a pot of Redbush tea for only 1 euro and very good cakes. There was also a notice advertising choral evensong later that evening, and having nothing better to do, with the encouragement that I don't have to believe in God, I went along and it was lovely.

I was up much earlier on Saturday than A and S, partly because their flight was delayed and they didn't arrive until after midnight. On Saturday morning while waiting for them to emerge I found a small botanic garden, and a shopping centre with a sleigh and reindeer that you could sit in to be photographed.

Eventually A emerged, and S followed an hour or two later. We spent the rest of Saturday together, me trailing behind them around market stalls with all manner of twinkly, sparkly, woody, fragrant, jingly, shiny and tasty goods. The tasty goods were all I was interested in buying, and I had a classic German bratwurst for lunch. Actually, I also bought a small ornament that was made of star anise and cinnamon and smelled wonderful. And of course there was Glühwein, and more soup for me. I must remember to keep saying Yes to invitations like this, because it was fun.

Back home I attempted to do a bit of cleaning and thought about the next phase of the LTRP. While looking for lampshades I noticed a bar stool that looked quite good, and made a note for future reference. I also put out a Wanted notice on Freegle for bar stools, and someone offered me one, and it turned out to be the same design that I'd noticed in the shop! Quite a coincidence, and it gives me a bit of a breathing space before deciding what to buy. In return, I posted an Offer notice on Freegle for the indestructible ivy I'd tried so hard to kill with both neglect and weedkiller but which refused to die, and it was collected very promptly.

Then my friend Steve died.

I met him in the 1990's when I was working for RNIB. He was working for Marconi as a programmer, but I met him through the British Computer Association for the Blind (BCAB). I remember only a few experiences from those days, but many of the people I worked with and met through work at that time were so positive, thoughtful and generous, like Steve. When I moved from Manchester to the Midlands I arranged to meet Steve for a pub lunch because he lived here and could perhaps give me a few tips on places to live or to avoid.

Not long after this he was made redundant from what had by then become GEC, and BCAB happened to be funding a new post within RNIB. Steve got the job, so now we were working together in Coventry, before the office moved to central Birmingham. Even after we both left RNIB we kept in touch and met up every so often to see a film or have dinner or to visit the German Christmas Market in Birmingham where he bought panettone, I bought nothing, and we drank glühwein together. He survived several bouts of illness - apart from the retinoblastoma that had taken his sight as a child, he was successfully treated for bladder cancer, and then lung cancer.

But the latest diagnosis of a brain tumour was his last. Surgery was ruled out and eventually chemo and radiotherapy stopped, and in the last month or so he was just managing with pain relief. He went back to live with his mum for a time and then went to a local hospice. I spoke to him on the phone a couple of times when he sounded quite positive about being able to go home once they had got the pain relief right. I did ask whether he might be fit enough to go to the Christmas Market in Birmingham this year, and he laughed. No, that wasn't going to happen.

I had a meeting on the same site as the hospice about a week ago, and dropped in to see him. When I walked in I thought it was the wrong room, and nearly went out again before seeing his name above the bed. He wasn't alert enough to speak. I visited twice more during that week, once speaking to him on the phone beforehand, but each time he couldn't be roused when I was there, and then the news came.

I don't usually dwell on serious or sad topics, but this is the first death of a friend I have experienced. My uncles, aunts and cousins have nearly all died abroad, in the countries where they live. My grandparents were all gone before I was a teenager let alone an adult. I have hardly had to deal with death or grieving, and it is a new and sad experience.

Düsseldorf, November 2017