All of a sudden I'm in charge

February 2019

I first went along to the village hall where the Buddhists meet nearly three years ago. I had a couple of aims - I wanted to find out why my very good friend had immersed himself in this movement, but I also went because my close friends and family don't live very near to me, and I knew that I would soon be living alone, and I wanted to establish some meaningful social contact that didn't revolve around meeting in a pub and drinking, and I thought if I needed help for some reason the Buddhists would probably show up if I asked.

The people I have met through this group have matched my expectations, and I have achieved my aims. Throughout the time I've been in contact with the group I have stretched myself gradually, first with meditation, then dipping a toe into the experience of the Retreat - first a day, then a weekend - but always reminding myself why I'm there - to learn, to make friends, to be a friend, to talk about meaningful issues, to add value to my life. Not to take on responsibility or volunteer, just to turn up each week.

Then, of course, it happened. I had a conversation with one of the organisers that made it clear that they could do with help, and despite my resolution I stepped forward. And in a trice I was on the Committee, and proposing future activities, and agreeing to do things like manage the email list at some point in the future, and come up with the social stuff that I am particularly looking for. And this week, I found myself In Charge Of The Whole Shebang.

Our usual leader was away on holiday and a substitute had volunteered to stand in. He wasn't a complete stranger because he was the original leader who had been there for my first two years, but he hadn't led us for a while. He doesn't have a car so he would be coming by train, and it would be much more convenient if he could stay over after the meeting, so he would be staying with me (the first overnight occupant of the newly decorated and carpeted Auditorium). As we arrived at the hall after picking up the key and opening up (another first for me), the other organiser turned up to drop off all the stuff - tea bags, biscuits, the Buddha statue, the cash tin - but couldn't stay, as her partner was ill and she was needed back home. Not a problem, I said, I'm happy to take all the stuff home and bring it back next week.

So stand-in leader and I were on our own, but surely some of the regulars would be attending who know the ropes? Well, two turned up, but one of those was newer than me, and both of them bolted before for the tea break and discussion, so suddenly there I was with ten newbies as the Voice of Buddhist Experience in the group. Quite a responsibility, really, because my usual role in the discussions is to interrupt to say I don't understand and could you just repeat what you just said about the Impermanence of Everything and Achieving Enlightenment through the Eightfold Path? I had to actually pretend to know a few things, and I do know a few things, but nearly all the regulars know much more than me so it was all most peculiar.

And now the Buddha statue and the tea bags and the cash tin and the biscuits are in my hall waiting for next time, when I hope I can retreat back into the shadows with my familiar bafflement and comfortable incomprehension.